Grammar: Me, Myself and I – Which word do you need?

Me, myself and I. How hard can it be?

While these tips on choosing between me, myself and I will be most helpful for anyone writing in first person, we could all use a little refresher. After all, even if we write our fiction in third person, we still write emails, letters, Facebook posts, etc. in first person.

So when do you use “me” vs. “myself” vs. “I”?

Let’s start with “me” and “I” of me, myself and I:

Without getting too grammar-y, here’s what you need to remember. “I” is used as a subject, while “me” is used as an object.

What exactly does that mean? A subject is the thing doing the action. An object is having the action done to it.

EXAMPLE: “The girl drew a picture.”

In this sentence, the subject is “girl” and the object is “picture.”

Now let’s make some substitutions.

“I drew a picture.” “I” is the subject. I am the one doing the action.

“The girl drew me.” “Me” is the object. I am the one the action is being done to.

Keep in mind that (as you can see from the awkward phrasing in the previous sentence) the word “me” is often used with prepositions such as “with,” “to,” “for,” etc.

“The girl drew a picture of me.” In this sentence, we have two objects: “picture” and “me.”  (It’s okay to have more than one object.)

The most common error I see in the use of “I” or “me” is when the object of the sentence involves two people.

EXAMPLE: “Would you like to come with Carrie and me/I to the movies?”

The correct choice here is “me.” But how do you know?

Here’s a trick I use any time I get confused about “me” vs. “I”: I make the pronoun plural.

Let’s go back to our example above:

EXAMPLE: “Would you like to come with Carrie and me/I to the movies?”

I’m not sure whether to use “me” or “I”, so I take out the singulars (“Carrie” and “me/I”) and make it plural:

EXAMPLE: “Would you like to come with us/we to the movies?”

I think it’s pretty clear that “us” is the correct choice here, which means that the sentence should read “Carrie and me”.

So what about “myself” in me, myself and I choice?

I’ve seen an upswing in the (mis)use of “myself” lately, which I attribute to the current trend of using longer words to make yourself sound smarter. (I’ll cover this trend in a future column!)

Here’s what you need to know about “myself.” This pronoun is rarely needed, so you should always think twice before you use it. The main reason to use “myself” is if you are both the subject and the object of a sentence. In other words, you are both doing the action and having it done to you.

EXAMPLE: “I am going to finish writing it myself.”

“I” is the subject, and “myself” is the object, since the action/verb “going to finish” is being done to me. So if your sentence doesn’t have “I” as the subject, and the action isn’t being done to you, don’t use “myself.”

And “myself” must stand alone. It’s all about you, and only you. Going back to our earlier example, you might be tempted to write: “Would you like to go with Carrie and myself to the movies?” Resist that urge! If you’re with Carrie, you’re not alone, and therefore you cannot use “myself.”

Make this pledge today to help remember me, myself and I: “I promise myself that I will use the correct pronoun so that my readers will not be irritated with me.”

Check out other grammar tips here.

~~~

Rachel is a full-on, hardcore grammar freak with a love of all things grammar well beyond me, myself and I. Her favorite punctuation marks are parentheses, em dashes and ellipses. She still loves adverbs, but is trying to wean herself off of them. And she truly believes that it’s okay to split an infinitive. In addition to her grammar obsession, Rachel writes light contemporary romance – occasionally with a paranormal twist – and is published in short fiction.